I think it always surprised some of my friends and even myself that I managed to be single for so long. I guess I always had the thought of dating someone long term, rather than ‘dating just for the fun of it’. So every time, I held out, just hoping that I would find that special someone. And until I truly understood myself and knew what I was looking for, I was not going to date. There are definitely some things that naturally end up on the list of ‘characteristics’ that I would imagine my future someone to have. For example: nice/genuine, smart, funny, family oriented, etc. And of course, physical attraction does factor in as well. But once you start liking someone, you realize that it goes so much deeper than that. It’s not just “oh they’re so cute/sweet”, but rather some deeper connection than just the surface material, which seems to fade away as the relationship carries forward.
The funny thing about being in a relationship is that you figure out things that you never knew… about the person and about yourself. Good and bad. The relationship isn’t going to ‘magically’ work. It’s not ‘out of luck’ that you became partners with that special someone. Instead, it takes dedication, effort, and most of all, patience. If I could choose, I would want to keep the relationship at its happy moments, where everything is perfect. But reality is, nothing is perfect. Nothing ever remains as is. But isn’t that the beauty of it all? To go through both the ups and downs with the person who you say is ‘the love of your life’? What is good in a thing that remains stagnant and no one is growing or moving forward in life? It is through the obstacles and the different experiences that people learn to value and appreciate things more in life. It’s more of a matter or not of whether the two people grow together. I think personally, I would not want to be in a relationship that makes me feel that I would stay with the person just because of ‘comfort’ or for ‘normalcy’. Is the main reason why the person is in your life is because you have simply gotten used to their presence and that breaking up would mean a disruption in your routine?
There’s no point in changing anyone… but yourself. It’s always easier to point the finger at the other person to blame them for how you reacted and feel because well, we just don’t want to accept the fact that it might just be our fault. Instead, we say “well if you didn’t do this, then I wouldn’t have lashed out, and then we wouldn’t have fought in the first place”. Deflection. Instead of dealing with the root problem, it’s easier to blame others and tell them to change, rather than truly reflecting on ourselves and changing what is the true concern. Is that not where the miscommunication comes from? Is it not ironic that one moment you say that you want the good and the bad, yet you turn your back and tell the person to change all the bad things about themselves? Should it not be a two sided mirror where both parties work out the flaws and try and fix things together? Some things are just beyond explanation, and perhaps that’s what love is. Unexplainable. Beyond doubt.