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These are the three words that when put together, I never want to think about. Something I’ll never get used to. Yes, life keeps on going, but it’s like a part of you is always missing. And it always will.

The immediate thought of losing a loved one already brings tears to my eyes. I know I should not even be thinking about these things, but it saddens me. It saddens me to know that the one thing I will never be able to change/avoid… is death. One of the very few things us humans cannot be in control of. We come into a world full of laughter and love, only to grow up and have our loved ones, one by one, leave us.

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I cannot believe it’s been 11 years since you’ve been gone. It seemed like just yesterday I heard your voice nagging at me to put on a thicker jacket because it was cold outside. It seemed like just yesterday that I was talking on the phone with you. There hasn’t been a day where I have not thought about you. I’m happy I still have the memories carried around with me to remind me of you. But there are times I wish I was like my two little cousins; too little to even remember who you really were- not having those painful memories of how… of when… 11 years ago.

Life after you wasn’t the same. It never will. I don’t remember how I ever survived those hours, days, weeks, and months since that day. But here I am, 11 years later, graduated with two degrees and now having a full time job. I often fall asleep wanting you to be in my dream so I could see how you’re doing… what you’re thinking from up above.

It’s knowing that life goes on… but needing to carry through with it; that’s the hardest thing. But somehow, it happens… Somehow…

 

 

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