When I was younger, I would always tell myself “oh, I still have plenty of time. What’s the rush? I’m only in [enter grade here]. I bet I’ll meet the right one when I’m in [enter grade here]”. And as years passed, it went from junior to high school, and from high school to University, and now? University to looking into my prospective work career. And as you can tell from this post, I still haven’t met that special someone.
Now that I’m getting older, more people around me are starting to date, which makes me wonder… Where exactly is he? I would always have long talks with my friends about this topic. It’s interesting to hear about what others have to say about their own “future love life” if I can call it that. I think before I wanted to date for the sake of just dating. But not anymore. I think I’m just going to wait it out and let what ever happen happen. Things always happen for a reason, right?
It’s funny because some of my friends say I’m still single because I’m “high maintenance.” But I don’t think I am… well of course every girl would say that. But in all honesty, I’m not. I look for the typical qualities as every other girl out there… to have someone who can make me smile and laugh, someone who can be serious at the right times, someone who is patient, kind, a Christian, family oriented, outgoing… etc. I wouldn’t say those are necessarily high expectations. Perhaps it’s not a matter of “high maintenance” or not, but it’s just knowing what you want in life.
… But the problem is, does having those expectations or knowing what qualities you want limit you? What I mean to say is, does that create an “ideal” person who I then try to find the perfect cookie match to?
So often when someone likes me, I have a [very bad and mean] tendency to push them aside and give them the very cold shoulder. Sometimes there’s just that fine line between being friendly and being overly friendly to where the other party may interpret it incorrectly. And I think one thing I need to work on is to prevent that pushing away, but instead to tell them that I don’t feel that way. That way, both of us don’t get hurt. And perhaps that way, a friendship could be saved…
And then there are those dreaded “what if’s”… Sometimes it’s fun to play the game of imagining what could or would have happened. But then sadly, reality at one point will kick in, and put you in the slum again. But then again, I go back to the phrase “whatever happens happens” and I somehow feel slightly more relieved.
I was having lunch with my friend once, and we were talking about this topic, and she asked me “Do you ever regret anything that you did in your past?” and I said “yes” but then she showed me a picture that said
“Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted”
And it struck me. Yes, at that moment, even if it was for a slight millisecond, that was what I wanted. And I cannot deny the feelings or thoughts that I had back then, because back then, they were different circumstances. And there’s always a reason behind everything, but perhaps at that moment, you may not notice it… or perhaps it’ll take years, and within in instant, everything will piece together… or perhaps that will be something that may never be unveiled.
… And of course, there’s always the possibility that he is already in my life, and perhaps I don’t realize it… just yet. Or perhaps I’m too chicken to have the guts to initiate the first step. I think it comes down to personality, because, I for one, would consider myself a traditionalist in this sense. I’m the girl who relies on the guy to always initiate these things. And aside from that part, I’m also very scared of rejection, and fear that it might make the friendship awkward. So I look up to those girls who have the courage and the strength to do what I cannot… to break that fear and taking the first few steps.
So how’s my progress now? I think I’ve settled on the idea that I must figure out myself first before I should even delve or even start thinking about having a relationship. I’ve also stopped actively searching for someone, because really, I’m just going to let it go with the flow. Why all the stress? Don’t be too harsh on yourself about your past, because you know what, when that time comes when you’re in that perfect relationship… you’ll feel more confident in it because all the past relationships pointed you in that direction. Because they’ve helped you grow and to surpass the barriers that may have once been present.
But as for me, I think I’m just going to enjoy my single life and keep doing what I do best… relaxing… and taking it one day at a time! And hey, you should too,
because -you- deserve it.
Random Note: It’s so ironic how when I’m previewing this blog post, a spam pops up saying “Don’t get it for full price!!” and it’s a bunch of engagement rings… HAHA. Gotta love that.